One of the most common patterns I notice when working with children who struggle with anxiety is how parents respond to their child’s worries and fears. Parents want the very best for their kids, but sometimes anxiety, both the child’s and the parent’s, can show up in the way they approach challenges. Two styles I often see are protective parenting and demanding parenting. Both come from love, but they impact children in very different ways.
What is Protective Parenting?
Protective parenting is when a caregiver tries to shield their child from all possible distress. These parents often think: “I do not want my child to feel scared, frustrated, or upset.” They step in quickly to comfort, solve the problem, or remove the source of discomfort.
For example, if a child is nervous about going to a birthday party, a protective parent may say, “You do not have to go if you do not want to. I will stay with you so you do not feel anxious.” While the intention is nurturing and kind, over time this can send the message that the child is not capable of facing challenges on their own. Instead of building resilience, the child may grow more dependent on their parent to handle difficult emotions.
What is Demanding Parenting?
On the other side, demanding parenting is when a caregiver minimizes or dismisses the child’s anxiety. This parent may say things like: “It is not a big deal. Nobody else is upset. Just stop worrying.” The goal here is to push the child through the fear quickly, but it can leave the child feeling unseen or misunderstood.
For example, if a child is too anxious to raise their hand in class, a demanding parent might respond: “You just need to try harder. Everyone else does it.” While the parent hopes to encourage confidence, the child may instead feel ashamed of their anxiety or pressured to “get over it.”
The Impact on Children
Both protective and demanding parenting styles come from love and care, but they can unintentionally reinforce anxiety. Protective parenting can lead to avoidance, which strengthens anxiety over time. Demanding parenting can lead to shame or self doubt, making it harder for the child to express their feelings or ask for help.
Children thrive when they feel both supported and encouraged. They need the safety to express their emotions, but also the gentle push to face challenges at their own pace.
Finding the Balance
So what helps? The key is balance. Parents can acknowledge their child’s anxiety while still encouraging small steps forward. For example:
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Instead of saying “Do not worry, you do not have to go,” try: “I know this feels scary, but I believe you can handle a short time at the party. I will be nearby if you need me.”
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Instead of “It is not a big deal,” try: “I can see this feels really hard for you. Let us take a deep breath and think of one way you can try.”
This balanced approach communicates: “I hear you. I understand this is tough. And I believe you are capable.”
Final Thoughts and Next Steps
Whether protective or demanding, most parents respond to anxiety out of love and concern. By becoming aware of these patterns, caregivers can shift toward responses that validate their child’s feelings while building resilience. The goal is not to eliminate anxiety completely, it is to help children develop the confidence and coping skills to move through it.
If your child is experiencing anxiety in a way that is interfering with their daily life and you are unsure how to best support them, Therapy with Bright Minds is here to help. Together, we can create a plan that gives your child the tools they need to thrive.
